I haven’t written an academic paper since I graduated from
university, and I never thought that I would have a desire to write a formal
paper outside of my English classes. I am losing sleep over thinking about this
topic, and the paper has begun to write itself, so I finally decided to write
my thoughts down. I have had a small tugging sensation pulling at the
back of my mind since I watched the movie “Blended” with my husband and my two
year old (we could not convince her to go to sleep). It was a seemingly
harmless PG13 movie, and was recommended to me by family members as being “pretty
funny, but with a few awkward parts”. I was initially excited to hear that it
was a PG13 film because it seems like there are hardly any PG13 movies
premiering these days that are worth seeing. I would say that my family gave an accurate
description of the film, and the part that stood out to me as the most “awkward”
was the drugstore encounter between Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. It was
this “awkward” scene that has most frustrated my mind for the past three weeks.
For those that have not seen this film,
the scene unfolds in the wake of two very “awkward” errands. Sandler is on a
mission to pick up feminine products for his teenage daughter, and Barrymore has
“violated” her teenage son’s privacy by destroying his pornography (so,
obviously, she must replace the relic before her son discovers what she has done).
The premise of this encounter was not my main frustration,
but it is relevant. As it unfolds, Barrymore’s oldest son is found to have been
viewing his mother’s private email. Instead of receiving any form of
punishment, the family reaches an agreement where one anothers' privacy should
no longer be breached. Barrymore goes into her teenage son’s room and begins to
gather his laundry. As she gather’s the laundry, her son sleeps peacefully in
his bed. She was not snooping or being nosy, because this would have violated
her and her son’s agreement. As she is doing her son a favor by gathering his
laundry, she stumbles upon a pornographic body that has the head of the family’s
babysitter glued to it. Barrymore’s
initial reaction is offense and disgust. She tears the image up. Fine. Great!
Hurray for moral instinct . . . If this would have been the end of the scene,
followed by a discussion on why this is not appropriate or respectful behavior,
I would have applauded. Sadly, the film continued on to the “awkward” drug
store run in.
Sandler’s horribly awkward errand begins with his teenage
daughter’s dang body and its need to menstruate. Seriously! Do women have to do
that? Sandler, in this film, is the father of three daughters. And, yes, seeing
as how menstruation has been occurring since the beginning of time, it will
happen eventually for all three of his healthy daughters, whether they want it
to or not. But, because this is such a shameful surprise, Sandler’s daughter
has to shout the request for tampons and feel embarrassed. Perhaps this embarrassment could have been
curbed by a simple discussion years before, but I suppose the opportunity to
smooth over the father-daughter teenage experience would have been too “awkward”
to deal with.
And so begins the drugstore run-in. Barrymore witnesses
Sandler fumbling through the feminine product section, and he is choosing the
most unnecessary products possible (even though he had a wife for how many
years? I’m not buying it Sandler). Next, Sandler realizes that Barrymore is
rifling through the pornographic magazine isle, and becomes curious as to why
she would be looking through those magazines in the first place. Barrymore
explains how she intruded upon her son’s privacy and must replace the image
before her son finds out. Barrymore expresses that her initial instinct was to
be offended because the pornography was degrading to women. Sandler kindly silences those feelings of
offense and anger by explaining that ALL teenage boys do it. And further, he
views the ripped fragments of the magazine and is able to pinpoint the issue
and edition of the magazine because ALL grown men view it, and apparently they
view it SO frequently that he can scientifically evaluate the spacing of the
staples, oh, and he already has that issue at home.
And here rises my frustration. Pornography and menstruation should
not be equated. They are not in the same category, and should not be put on the
same level on the parental experience scale. Porn viewing should not equal “I
have a son” territory, while menstruation does equal “I have a daughter”
territory. Our society is so corroded, that the underlying messages of a PG13
film are that porn is okay and completely normal, and it is also appropriate for
dads to be awkward and uneducated about their teenage daughter’s developing
bodies. The son sleeps away soundly in
his bed and never has to have a discussion on respecting women’s bodies, while
the daughter must shout her requests to a father that learned nothing from his
wife of over a decade. I feel that if anything, this sends a horrible message
about the men around us. Instead of raising the bar for parents, this film
sends a subtle message that it is normal to lower it. Instead of helping men to
feel comfortable with a very unavoidable element of the female body, it gives men
an escape route. Rather than encouraging men to see that a body with a cut out
of a head glued to it is sad objectification, it normalizes pornography because
the entire male population obviously does it.
Here is the thing. The entire male population doesn’t view
pornography. I personally know dozens of men who I can confidently say do not
view pornography or think of it as a normal part of the human experience. The
number of men and women that think this way is very small compared to the
number of men and women that do.
Can’t we raise the bar instead of constantly lowering it?
Oh, shoot, no-- sorry. I forgot that if we raised the standards that it wouldn’t
be funny anymore.
